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The last few weeks had been a rollercoaster of emotions I was barelyprepared to process now, let alone in those moments then. My mindfluctuated so hard every day between loving my new clothes and wanting tokeep going and accept my feminized persona and be Lily with Erin all thetime, and hating what I had become, wanting it only to be over andregretting that I ever had to be chosen in the first place. I loved mynew clothes and I loved Erin, but I was ashamed to love them like I didand I was afraid of what others really thought of me. I remembereddressing up for our date in one of my favorite outfits of the wholeexperience. She said I didn't have to, but in that moment I wanted to, alot. I remembered my pure emotional breakdown that came in the lockerroom, but also the way she pulled the first tube of lipstick across mylips and I couldn't get enough of that feeling, or her. Erin was like anaddiction. It didn't matter whether I had wanted to stop or not, becauseI couldn't. But when I had. Biting back the tears, Kenny kicked at the toy fire truck on his floor, sending it flying across the floor, broken. He didn't care though. Finally coming out of his room, Kenny went into the living room where he saw Shauna sitting happily in front of the TV, watching the Teletubbies and laughing. "I wanna watch Pokemon!" He said, grabbing for the remote control, knowing somehow that it could change the shows on the TV, though he wasn't sure how and didn't seem to realize that it wasn't time for Pokemon to come on. Almost immediately Shauna started crying and Kenny glared at her. Then before Kenny realized it, his Mommy was there, towering over him and snapping "Quit picking on your sister!" Then she gave him a quick swat to his rear, making Kenny start crying. It wasn't fair, he thought as he pouted and watched his Mommy walking away. He was in trouble again because of Shauna. His Mommy and Daddy always took her side, and she got everything that she wanted. It just wasn't.
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